Archive for category Personal Ramblings

Sometimes there’s just no right or wrong…..just, one or another.

When I revamped the site, I’d already started a new blog (on blogger) just for posts about dolls, and my own personal ramblings about being a (soon to be) new mom. I also had the wordpress blog for schroedersisters, and transfer that to a new joomla blog (on site). what the hell? too many blogs. That’s what I decided this morning when I couldn’t figure out which one to post to. There’s something strange (so it seems) about joomla’s built in blog capabilities…that don’t register quite right for searches or indexing.

So, I’ve ditched both the new joomla & blogger blogs, and wrapped the original schroedersisters blog up in the site. I’m just gonna post everything there. Why not? The whole point of revamping things was to streamline, save time, energy, etc. How come that always seems so difficult? Anyway…

This is the only blog now for schroedersisters.com. All of it…..the good, bad, the ugly. The entertaining, and the not so entertaining. This is it. For better or for worse.

Went to lay down for a bit, and woke up with more ideas. Hrumph….this is what always happens to me. And, why I’m so all over the place.

I was flying around with my sister in a volkswagon van. That was way fun. Then we ended up someplace like the Smithsonian, but 1000x’s larger. Like a city on the water…was also super cool. Had to be there. In the end we walking around the entrance of the place, and it through me off at first bcuz it looked like a bunch of little bedrooms. All open on one wall. What it was was a drop-off, childcare business/setup…cuz the place was so very huge…for little kids it was too much. They could be dropped off for naps, snacks, game play, simple craft classes (for older kids), etc. It was very clean, simple and polished in an Ikea meets the three bears sorta way. Quiet inside, with all these women dressed in some milk-maid, or Mother Goose type style…that evoked a kinda of quiet-respect from the children. All the food was healthy…organic teas sweetened with juice, little finger sandwhiches, cheese and whole-grain crackers…that sorta thing. And all the toys & games were old-world, wooden, soft-sculptured and hand-made by the women that worked the place together. The whole place was delightful.

I was desperately trying to read the sign that listed the prices. It varied by age. I think starting at $25.00/hour for basic childcare, nap & snack. Up to $40 for a several hour package deal. Just before waking up I was standing at a work-bench watching a woman making a lovely doll….stitching all the detailed facial features by hand. That inspired me on the whole soft-sculptured thing again. When I woke up…my head filled with these visions of sofa pillows. Super long animal shaped, folky pillows that wrap & extend the whole length of a couch; with a very hand-made look & feel. High-end. There were Garrs…those long fish they have in Florida, an alligator, a cat or panther, with it’s paws hanging over at both ends. Immediately my mind waxed to how much fiber-fill would be needed for each. And…how expensive they might be. I also saw them draped along a headboard of pillows on a bed. That worked too.

Anyway……………..just more ideas. Sometimes I think it’s a trick just to derail me from an earlier direction. Test my staying power in one direction. ahhhck.

Maybe there was a tiny feeling of what seems to be inspiration this morning…not sure.

I had this idea a while back, when I was thinking about moving from selling finished arts & crafts (on Etsy)…to supplies. The people that are selling supplies seem to be doing the best. I didn’t want to have to get into a big investment of goods, and that’s usually the case in order to sell at a good price…to order in bulk/wholesale. What I really liked the idea of was to sell little craft kits for children. Afternoon or Rainy Day type kits for fun. Have a few projects per box, and keep them as reasonably priced as possible. I forgot about it for a while, and this morning a vision of it popped to mind. That I could do various kits…all essentially the same concept, but “Get Well” kits, “Birthday” kit, maybe a “Baby Announcement” kit, etc, etc.  Is really just a box of cheap, silly, crafting crap….it would all be in the marketing! In the logo, packaging, etc. And of course, that it be affordable across the board!!!

I really like the idea. Not sure I have the wherewithal to pull it off at the moment, but there’s something about it…being so simple, that I see working. It’s also not a bad idea as far as getting my sister involved in something she can do from home as well. Just figure out the contents for each kit…all of them pretty much the same, but with different labeling. It’s not at all a full utilization of our creative skills, but right now it’s more about finding something niche-e that makes sales! This might be it (?!?). Something that wouldn’t require a lot of focus to pack together, and ship out. Not much on the whole “production” end of things, which is what can slow sales down. Just re-packaging, labeling, and mailing off.

I might ask Fawn if she likes the idea, or…I might just plan it out, figure out if the investment is doable, and start it myself. Once it’s rolling…then just invite her on-board. Otherwise it’s just another hare-brained scheme of mine. Just another up-in-air idea. I have enough of those to fill a swimming pool!

I have to admit that the enthusiasm has worn off since waking…since I’ve had this idea before. And, I woke up way too early this 5am. So….back to bed for a little bit, then I’ll get up with a little more energy and do some research on crafting junk….pipe cleaners, fuzzy pom-pom balls, googly eyes, popsicle sticks, etc, etc. a standard size (easy to ship) box, the basic start up line, a catchy name & logo…that sorta thing. something where the domain name isn’t taken. That’s always a challenge!

We shall see…………

Was a quiet Christmas. Me, my best-friend, the fur babies, and the baby baby…the only one nice and warm for the holiday, since it’s nestled away in my womb. We opened presents Christmas morning, which isn’t traditional on my end. My family has always opened our gifts Christmas Eve at midnight. It was over in a flash per usual, and I made a nice, hot, hardy, breakfast for us all. I made waffles with the iron I got Beth. There was a lot of napping. Then preparations for dinner.

Beth made standing rib roast, mashed potatoes, citrus infused broccolli and cauliflower, and custard pop-overs. I made a meriunge, black berry torte for dessert. All of it was delish.

Then I had a panic attack. Came out of nowhere…I think a combination of rich food, maybe some over-indulgence in the sweets department, and lots of mounting stress. I vomited my guts out, in a lovely blackberry mess. Exhausted myself, and went to bed. My therapy for attacks is to sit and try and write out my feelings in the moment. The triggers…otherwise they can pass and by the next day, the key factors can be missed. I don’t take any medication for panic or anxiety. I’ve learned to cope with the mind alternating state on my own. For me it’s a mix of un-resolved, avoided situations & issues, and diet. I currently have a lot on my shoulders as a new, 41 yr old, single mom…living a (very) somewhat unstable life. That’s how I feel anyway. And, since getting pregnant…my diet has gone to pot! Previously I wasn’t eating refined carbs of any kind. Very fw carbs in general, and very little sugar. I’ve let the cravings get the better of me, and I’m surprised I’ve done as well as I have, beside extra weight gain. Something that I’m planning on changing the next few days. No more baked goods, pancakes, waffles, pizza or pasta!!! No more bread, bagels, and things of that nature.

It’s not that hard to stop when the alternative is nervous breakdowns!
Today I’m feeling a little better. Still out of sorts and sketchy. That won’t mean anything to those that have never experience an attack. I have a lot to still figure out and prepare for, as well as the daily in and outs. All I can do is take it a day at a time. The cold, dark weather doesn’t help much. At all. Days are growing longer though, and soon it’ll be warm again. And, soon I’ll be majorly distracted by a newborn. Most likely a Godsend. Changing a lot of things I’ve procrastinated on for too long! Here’s to the new year in all it’s complexities & challenges!!!

Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Good Night! xoooxxoxooxoxoxo

Why can’t I seem to get it together? Is it that I have a problem breaking old habits, or is it that I mix things up too much? Both?

I mean…in the last year I’ve gone from doing graphics design & websites to running an entire B&B by myself, back to graphics, then toyed around with the idea of making infant outer wear, then craft classes, then onto stickers & paper-dolls, to sculpted dolls, back to graphic work…and now I’m burnt out on finding anything that inspires me. The graphic work and web design…despite how reasonable my prices are…people just don’t seem interested at the moment. A lot of folks are holding off on anything, due to lack of money. The infant stuff would require investing in materials. I already spent $40 on purchasing sticky labels to print in various themes. That seems like a waste of money now. The art classes would be the most profitable, if 1) I can find students in the area & 2) the landlady was accepting of the idea (which she is not)(accepting of anything)(except rent). So, that idea (despite a good one) is more stressful than need be. I bought some paperclay to start sculpting dolls again. I did about 4 heads…and now it’s all just sitting there as a reminder that I can’t get it together & focus.

I have a baby due the beginning of March, and people that owe me money that don’t have it. That doesn’t help. I just feel totally out of sorts. Luckily I’m use to that feeling.

There’s this feeling like I should/could get started on something that will pan out, but I have no idea what it is. Have you ever felt that way? Like there’s something…you just can’t for the life of you figure out what it is. It’s probably anything I set my mind to. I just don’t have the wherewithal to set my mind. At the same time this lack of inspiration and creativity is getting me down. I’m tired of not applying myself to something. I’m tired of not feeling motivated. Sometimes I feel like I should cut myself some slack, being a 7 month pregnant, single mom (to be). A first time mom at that….and, 41 yrs. old; with only one friend by my side (God bless her), and all my family in Canada. Still……that doesn’t really cut me any slack. I still need to get my ducks in a row, and figure things out. More so now than ever.

What the hell are people spending money on nowadays? Arts & crafts? I have no idea. I know others are making money with their art. I know I’m incredibly talented, so….what gives? Is it really only about follow-through and staying power? About applying myself and going full-tilt at it? Do I give up too easy? Change directions too much? Arrrggggg….right now I can’t even find the energy to figure it out.

Maybe more like emotional bootcamp. Either way…I went out on a limb in my typical behavior of seeing more potential than is always present. What’s that saying? Potential is limitless. Isn’t it? For me it depends on the other players involved, and whether or not they share the same vision, but that’s getting off point. To make a long story short, bcuz it’s a messy not so pleasant story…..and of very little to no significance to anyone but me…I’ll stick to the high points.

I moved for work, to try something new, to force me out of this reclusive, minimalistic rut I was in. The work didn’t work out, due to personal reasons, or rather…too much personal involvement from the other person involved. I knew there was a possibility of this, but I hoped that it wouldn’t out-weigh my own objectives. Holy shit….was I wrong. I’ve spent the last three months totally wrapped up and consumed in someone else’s life….someone else’s drama. Not too surprising since I have previous programming in that direction, but I did want to believe that I had learned from that…that I knew better. I do…and I don’t. Always easier said than done. I was subjected to a lot obscure and radical behavior in a very short period, that left me thoroughly exhausted and out of sorts. I did give it my all, but it didn’t matter. Extreme opposites of vision, and I was forced to pack up and call it quits. I at least know when I’m fighting a losing battle.

So…here I am, back to where I was previously; geographically the same situation, but not so much the same person. I can’t exactly pin point what I’ve learned from the whole adventure, except the age old message of…”focusing on self”. Not in a self-conscious manner, insecure, or emotionally defensive manner…but in a soft, logical, no-nonsense way. Not getting distracted in everything around me. Still, I have little idea what I’m really doing…as far as a destination or goal is concerned. Long-term isn’t anywhere near as important as short-term. Trying to keep it ‘realistic’ for whatever that’s worth?!? Again, not wanting to spread myself thin on any level. I’ve decided to stick to things that are easily accomplished, and involve VERY little investment. I’ll be focusing on the JadedGypsy shop over at Etsy, and I’ve added a new shop called Lil’ Vampire Cult. I haven’t bought the supplies yet, but will only be selling lip balm to start…adding to the product line if things go well. JadedGypsy is easy, bcuz it’s second hand purses & bags that I really enjoying painting…each one-of-a-kind, which is my thing. That should be enough to keep me busy on top of the graphic work that I’ll still be doing, and trying to keep enough free-time set aside to work on getting some children’s books published! I have a handful that are written, but need illustrations.

Another new twist to the current situation…this “new chapter” is……I’m pregnant! Haven’t quite processed what that means completely. I’ll be 41 come August.26th and this is my first child. I’m not setting any expectations on it all…trying to stay as open-minded as possible, and keep it on the downlow. Creatively it should be the most interesting project of all. Never created a “person” before….and kinda looking forward to all the experiementation that goes with being a mom! I think it’ll be fun to make clothes, and dress it up crazy! At the same time…there is some trepidation….can longer goof around, jumping from one thing to another. Have to really apply myself to figuring out what I can be successful at, and make work. I guess that’s my main goal for the next little while!